Today is my grandfather's birthday. Well, was his birthday. He passed away almost two years ago, just a few days after his 90th. My grandfather was one of the most influential people in my entire life. He introduced me to the world. He nurtured me, guided me, healed me, and attuned my spirit toward a vibration that he embodied. He was the most patient, compassionate, gentle, and understanding human beings I have ever met and I still find myself so humbled that he was ever in my sphere of influence.
I mention him because spring is always a tough season for me. I've lost a lot of loved ones (including him) in the spring. For whatever reason, I also always seem to experience an inner tumult, a restlessness, and a bit of unease this time of year. I suppose that it is an appropriate sensation. All of life is shucking off last year's detritus and newness is doing what newness does; fool-heartedly fumbling toward the light.
The daycare has begun to feel less in alignment with what I want and need at this point in time, at least in the current capacity I'm giving it. I've been at home with my children for four years now, and now that they are becoming more independent, I'm feeling the same nudging. I long for adult conversations, a place to funnel my creativity, and really just some space. Nine hours every day of outbursts and tears and holding emotional space for 6 young little beings can be really taxing and it has worn me down physically, emotionally, and mentally. I haven't had enough time to fill my own cup and it's hard to fuel a daycare program on empty.
So, rather than bail on the program, I have hired on a new teacher, Miss Joni, who will take the reigns from me at the end of March for two of the four days we are open. I am thrilled to bring her on because she has a genuine desire to be in the presence of children, to teach them, and to have a space to nurture them without micromanagement. She is my unicorn. It is my hope that by dropping down to two days a week, that I will get back some of the self-nurture that I have been desperately needing and that I can then be my best self when teaching these kiddos.
I look forward to this new season and to whatever decides to arise during this year's journey around the sun.